| |
M |
an just tried to pick me up:
"I'm a refrigeration technician. I work 4:30 to
12:30. Want to see me later?"
|
"No thanks," said I.
His name was Aldous or something
similar. Also, he asked to talk to me as he was standing by
the sex section.
"I'm working," I said.
A big ugly guy, he did not seem unduly rebuffed by my lack
of interest.--ac
| A |
small group of Japanese came in the store. As they
stood giggling while trying to figure out the categories,
reading the blue signs on the ends of the aisles, I
asked one what |
they were looking for. They didn't speak much English. I asked
if she knew the title. She said, "no."
"The
author?"
"No."
Then she said, "I'm looking
for a book that has three hundred pages."--tor |
My favorite Saturday game is to watch the
'junkie' looking for books to steal.
the 'Count Smackula' look
| T |
his morning I cleared off the free racks, removing
out-of-date free papers and fliers, squinting in consternation
at glossy DJ cards trying to find what the hell the
date was on the slick |
cards with tiny type on ecstasy-induced swirly backgrounds.
The free rack can get to be quite a mess quickly with people
putting their fliers on top of others. Constant vigilance
is needed to pare away bad corporate advertising. Then this
afternoon a chubby balding man came in and started putting
something on the rack. I ignored him until he took a Polaroid
camera and snapped a pic of his display. I looked up.
"I have to take a picture of it," he explained.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh, its just an advertisement."
"Can I see it?"
He handed me a card for some Internet site with a cockroach
on it in orange and yellow made to look like Cliffs notes.
"We don't want these," I said.
"I don't care," he said, "stuffing them back
in his pack. I just had to take a picture."--ac
| A |
middle-aged guy dressed from head to toe in denim
wanted to know if we had any Bibles, always a bad sign.
I showed him the few we have and he exclaimed, "Perfect."
|
He brought up a standard black leatherette model with The
Bible emblazoned in gold letters across the front.
"This will work for the photo shoot I'm doing,"
he said, "because you can see the title. Now all I need
is a bad Catholic girl, know any?" He guffawed.
He then
asked for a paper bag, "the smutty kind". I gave
him one of our pink and purple Charlottes Dress Shop bags
from the fifties that we scored at a garage sale. He made
some more small talk while I tried to make my way outside
to water the flowers.--ac
| A |
guy asked if we sold refrigerator magnets and asked
if I knew where he could find really cool refrigerator
magnets.
I said, "Ah, no." |
He bought a High Times and three postcards. I asked him if
he'd checked out the Broadway Market for the magnets.
He said, "Man, I guess I could, but it just kind of popped
into my head that I need refrigerator magnets."--ac
 |
I'm |
sure you've heard them all before, but today has quickly
begun as a day of questions. It all started when I unlocked
the door and the guy waiting outside came in. I had
a Beethoven String Quartets CD in.
He asked, "Is this what you call |
classical music?
I said, "No, this is chamber music."
He said, "Oh," and browsed the postcards.
Some other questions I've had today:
Is the roommate referral place around here? By the way, do
you need a roommate? (No.)
When did the bilingual bookstore go out? (They're two blocks
up the street.)
Why did they move? Do you own the building? (No.)
Who made them move? (From the U-District?)
No, from here. (They were never here.)
They were here last Christmas. (They're two blocks up the
street.)
Did you used to work for them? (No.)--dw
| I |
was in a bad mood--I couldn't get Quickbooks, our
accounting program, to come up via the network in the
office. So then I had to write payroll checks up at
the front counter |
and while I was doing this, a twenty-two year old in
a suit carrying a briefcase came in. My solicitor alarm went
off immediately.
He asked if we took credit cards. I said we did. He then started
to go into a spiel about his credit card company.
"I'm not interested," I said. He continued with
his spiel.
"I am not interested," I said again, trying to concentrate
on Quickbooks.
"Even if we can save you money?" the guy (who was
actually pretty cute, with a goatee) said brightly.
"I don't want to talk to you," I said again, this
time pointing out the door.
He left, mimicking me on the sidewalk: "She doesn't want
to talk to me."--ac
|
"I've been hitchhiking since I was
ten months old."
"Are you gay?"
"The road is a hard life."
"My friends call me Paradise."
"I've broken almost all the ten commandments."
"Oh shit! I think I've lost my dad's
credit card!
Oshitoshitoshitoshit!"
| Q |
uestion of the day:
"Do you have a copy of Basketball Diaries without
DiCaprio on the cover?" |
I find two copies and present them.
He says, "I lost my other copy, but I like to read it
over and over cause it reminds me of all the crazy shit I
did when I was a kid, but I have to have a copy without DiCaprio
cause I never looked like that."--dw
| U |
nattractive man in skirt (dressed as a woman, not
just a man in a skirt) came to the counter. "Can
I ask you a question? he said. Smoke came out of his
mouth. Can you get me a really |
good deal on Bibles?" More smoke came out.
"We don't have that many Bibles," I said. "What
we have are on the bottom shelf there in religion."
"Can you get more for me?" he asked.
"No, they don't really come through," I said, wanting
to end this conversation. A customer was behind the guy waiting
to buy something.
"Because women keep asking me for Bibles," the guy
went on. "I don't push it or anything, but I like to
give them out."
"Try the thrift stores," I said, and turned to help
the waiting customer.
"Where are your Bibles?" the guy asked.
Once again
I pointed to the bottom shelf in religion. He wandered out
without bothering to look at the Bibles, obviously just wanting
to bore me with Bible conversation rather than actually purchase
one.--ac
| A |
man called yesterday asking if we would be interested
in the Bidgood photography book. I didn't know who Bidgood
was, but when he said it was a Taschen book and
|
it was gay erotica, I said I'd be interested. I checked the
price on the computer--it was $59.95 new. I told him wed sell
it for about half that and I could give him $15.00 credit.
He said he got the book where he worked as a driver because
the box was damaged. He wanted to get the book out of the
house because he had some adolescent nephews coming to visit.
So today he came in with the book and a list of books he was
after. One was called Conduct Unbecoming a Woman. He
said he had heard about it on NPR. We didn't have that, but
the others he wanted were classics: 1984, Animal Farm,
Uncle Tom's Cabin, Catch 22. He didn't know who the authors
were. He said he didn't read much, but he understood these
were classics and he wanted to read them. We had them all
except Catch 22 which is hard to keep in stock. As
I was running around pulling titles he was impressed that
I knew all the authors. I've been doing this a long time,
I told him. Finally he got an Into the Wild, used up his $15.00
credit and kept saying he thought he got a good deal.
"You think you could really sell this?" He eyed
the Bidgood book he had brought in skeptically. I flipped
through it--lots of pink-lighted naked boys on cheesy sets
with butt cheeks displayed. The book had a glossy pink hardback
binding.
"Oh yeah, Ill put it in the window," I said.
I suggested he bring his adolescent nephews to Pistil when
they arrived, but he glanced around and said, "I don't
know about that."--ac |
Mr. Impressive
"I don't read books,
I just collect them...expensive ones
--what are you doing tonight?
| O |
ld woman with ridiculous eyeglass holders springing
out in purple plastic like some psychedelic antennae
came in.
"I need a map of England," she demanded. |
"We don't have maps. Do you want to see the travel section?"
I asked.
She said she did. I lead her to the back of the store to travel, having to climb
over this guy who took some free papers to read back there
for some reason (he also came in and asked if he could leave
his two black bags up front and when I said he could, he did
and went outside again, with no explanation, for about ten
minutes, leaving me wondering about possible bombs.) We got
to the travel section and I showed her the European travel
guide section.
"I don't want a book. I want a map", she stated.
"Well, then you'll have to go where they sell maps,"
said I.
"I want a travel agency," she said. "Do you
have a phone book?"
I decided right then I was not going to look up a damn travel
agency for her. We go back to the counter and I hand her phone
book, pencil, scrap paper. I gave her directions to Council
Travel on Broadway.
Then she wanted to use the phone to call them. There's a phone
booth next door, I told her, at which point she marched back
outside to hubby waiting in the SUV at the curb, not, I noticed,
going next door to use the phone.--ac
 |
D |
ude comes up to the counter after looking around for
a while and asks if we have that book about those three
boys who were tortured and killed by their older schoolmates
in the Midwest. I have no idea, |
but he's got a smattering of a title, and after internetting
for a while, I get it. He stands at the counter like an oversized
lackey medieval bridgekeeper more interested in watching the
fish in the stream, a heavy young guy with his shirt riding
over his belly and a silly cap, representing a supposed but
non-existent predilection for the counter-culture.
So we go back to true crime, where some 150-200 different
titles are in stock and of course its not there because it's
a new book and we didn't bother to order it because its just
another cheesy true crime story, much like the 200 I'm looking
at. So I say, "You know, if you look through here a little,
I'm sure you'll find a book or two about children being killed."
He hung back there for a short bit, and then wandered up to
the front. I tell him "Bailey-Coy, the new bookstore
down the street, probably has it".
"I'll go there," he says, and leaves.--sc |
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